Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
