ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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