It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize