I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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