Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
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Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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