PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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