You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
