I'm going to jail i love you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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