remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
