You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
