i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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