If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
