Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
