mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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