take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
