I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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