he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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