Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
