she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
