Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
