i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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