This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We need to get me chipped asap
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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