Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
