I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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