Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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