you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
