Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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