And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
