He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
