I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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