ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
