I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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