I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
