she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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