I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
