Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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