Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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