So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can tuck mytits in my pants
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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