if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
FUCK WHALES
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
