2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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