i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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