Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
