Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
