you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I intend to get homeless drunk
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just invented taco cereal.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
