I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Randomize
