my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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