I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize