i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
