who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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