im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?