So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.