Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
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I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
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I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.