i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.