Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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