this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
