it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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