the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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