he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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