I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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