Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
