I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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