apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
