i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
