At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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